Dear Kim,

Is it true that women do not like guys over 25 who are still virgins?

There is a negative stigma about male virginity plus there are some expectations put upon guys when it comes to sex.

From what I’ve seen and heard, it feels like if you are still a virgin after a certain age, you are a useless loser in today’s society.

Thanks,

DDear D,

I have to agree that society does tend to make fun of men who haven’t lost their virginity after a certain age. However, in my opinion, if you’re a virgin then you’re probably not ready to have sex, no matter how much you think you are.

My suggestion is to find a way to work on your self-confidence, and when you do, you won’t have to try to have sex, it’ll just happen.  If you’re worried about being a great lover, then make sure to practice your kegel exercises, (read “Exercising Yourself To More Girth and Stamina” on my blog), satisfy yourself before the big date, and if you don’t last very long, then do some oral, and try, try again! (remember, nothing is too big that therapy can’t cure)

Lastly, if you are self conscious about being a virgin, don’t tell anyone, they don’t need to know

Take care

Kim

Today on my show “Happy Endings With Kim Chambers” we had fitness model Sherry Goggin, helping us come up with ten ways to feel sexy, in no particular order

1.    Get to the gym.
2.    Eat healthy
3.    Sleep
4.    Dance move stretch. Get the blood flowing
5.    Wear sexy lingerie
6.    Where clothes that help you feel sexy
•    For most women if they feel fat, wearing tight clothing only makes them feel worse.  Try wearing loose fitted clothing (not sweats) to give your body a bit of breathing room
7.    Take a shower and put some make up on
•    It seems silly to say take a shower, but you’d be surprised at how many of us forget to address the little things when we’re busy taking care of the kids, husband, job, ______ You feel in the blank
8.    Have sex during the day
•    By the end of the day you are exhausted the last thing most women want to do it have sex.
9.    Watch your posture.
•    Walk with attitude.  When you walk notice of how your body moves. Take notice of the movement of your hips. If they’re not already, let them sway slightly.
10.    Smile.
•    Something happens to us physiologically when we smile.  Smile at everyone your meet.  If you’re alone.  Smile for 20 minutes straight.  They have done studies with depression and smiling just 20 minutes a day helped even the most difficult patients.

If you have any additional tips you’d like to share with us on what you do to feel sexy please let us know, http://www.amazingcouple.com/advice.php

Have fun!

Kim Chambers

‘What would be your fitness tip about getting your unmotivated butt to get to the gym?”

Check yourself out in the Mirror! If you don’t like what you see, get BUSY fixing it! If you can’t get to the gym for health reasons, do it for vanity then! Ha! Ha!

xo

Monica Brant

www.monicabrant.com

www.femcamp.net

Dear Kim,

First let me start by saying I think that you are great. So here we go, lately I have been thinking a lot about a woman using a strap on on me. I have never experienced this but can’t stop thinking about it. What do you think about that? Have you ever experienced this? Do you have any advice for me?

Thanks,

Elias,

———

Dear Elias,

This is actually more common then you think, however most men won’t admit it. That being said, you might not want to break out the strap on dildo on your first date. That happened to me once, and I never went back.

Now I’m not saying that it turns me off. However I’d have to know the person I’m being intimate with for a little while before I broke out the toys

Have fun,

Kim

I recently caught my husband having an affair. He found this gal online. Over the past few years, I have caught him in chat rooms and responding to personal ads. This time was different because he actually had sex with this person. After reading the emails to other women’s personal ads, I realized that he would have had sex with all of them if he could have. The gal that became his girlfriend actually talked to him on the phone more thru out the workday then I did.

I can’t seem to get my husband to understand how much this hurt me. He must have had an emotional tie to this person. That’s what I have a hard time understanding. What’s wrong with me; why can’t my husband tell me everything? He actually posted his own ads.

The first two times that I caught him having online affairs, I asked him to get counseling. He told me that it was nothing and he just enjoyed the fantasy. Well, apparently he couldn’t keep it to just a fantasy; he took it too far. I can’t seem to get my head around the fact that this was not an accident.

After I caught him this time, he agreed to counseling. I suggested that he go by himself so that he could lay whatever he needed to on the table and I wouldn’t be there to judge. The therapist said that it is an addiction. After a few sessions, my husband decided that he didn’t want to go back to this therapist because she wasn’t doing him any good. I understand that, but I wanted him to seek another counselor. He told me that he just wants to take a break for a little while. I’m sure I will not be able to get him go back unless something explodes again.

I desperately want our marriage to work, but I can’t trust my husband and the worry is eating me up inside. I’m trying to let things go so we can start over. Bottom line is…I can’t change my husband. I feel as though he is a selfish person and if he really loved me the way I want and need to be loved, he would think of me first and would never have done this in the first place. I have explained this to him and he agrees that he is selfish.

Now when we have a disagreement, I do not apologize if I feel I have done nothing wrong. I used to just apologize to get the argument out of the way. Well, apologies must be very hard for him, because he can’t seem to get the words out. Now we just don’t talk to each other.

How can I let go of things? What can I do to make this situation better? I don’t feel as though I am ready to give up on our relationship yet, but if things keep going the same way neither one of us will be able to hang on.

Thanks!

Kris

Wow…. I can see how this would be an overwhelming situation. If this were me I would have high tailed it a long time ago; but its not, and I’m not here to judge you or him.

That being said, and to answer your question “How do you let go?” You just let go and don’t look back. From personal experience sometimes we just don’t think that a new person would ever be able to love us, but Kris, how much love are you getting now?

In addition, it’s not up to you to dictate what his life is supposed to look like. Sometimes we tend to become addicted to trying to change someone to what we think he/she is supposed to be. Keeping us stuck and in a place where we are paralyzed.

My suggestion to you is, whether you stay or leave, start surrounding your self with a support group and begin finding ways to love yourself. Get around positive people, twelve step programs are great for this, and slowly but surely you’ll begin to see that you are worth so much more then you are allowing yourself to receive.

Good Luck

Kim

Why is it when it comes to relationships and jealousy all of your good judgment goes out the window? Because Jealousy is a bitch… That’s why!

From personal experience, the first year of dating can be brutal. It’s a time of testing, probing, and wondering if this person is right for you. Most people try to fight the feeling of jealousy, push it down by drinking, eating, shopping, drugs, etc, but honestly the best thing you can do with jealousy is to feel it. Look at the emotion. Where is it coming from?

Being in a relationship compels you to look at things you normally wouldn’t and, honestly, the things that you dislike about your partner are really the things you don’t like about yourself. What is she doing right now? Does he like me? Is she lying to me? Can I trust this person? Who’s that girl he went to lunch with? I don’t trust her, why? Is there a reason why I don’t trust him and is there anything I can do about it? Is my gut trying to tell me to be careful or is it my ego trying to hold me back from true intimacy? What do I do here? Should I stay or go? I feel like this person has been honest so far, but this nagging feeling in my gut won’t go away. Should I trust it?

Why are you feeling jealous? What are you doing that you don’t trust? I’m not saying you’re wrong, however it’s not what your partner is doing that is disturbing you. It’s your interpretation of what he/she is doing. To sum it up, it’s not the other person you don’t trust… It’s you. So what are you doing to betray trust? Where are you lying to yourself or your partner, and what can you do to live a more authentic life?

There is nothing worse then feeling jealous. The pain can be unbearable and make you do things you regret. For example, destroying your relationship by making out, or even worse, going to bed with someone while trying to get back at the person you loved/hated, to punish them. But honestly, who are you really hurting? You are only punishing yourself.

Jealousy has many sources. Some forms stem from feelings of inadequacy or the thought of not being enough: If she becomes successful she will forget about me and leave me. Or Why would he want to be with me? That girl is hotter…He’ll get bored, and go away… You know how it goes.

In relationships, one partner choosing to hang out with friends can bring up feelings of jealousy: He felt insecure because I went to a friend’s party without him. I had anxiety because he looked at some hot chick, with a better body then me. And on it goes.

We tend to use jealousy to play the martyr and the victim or to sabotage a relationship: They are going to leave me anyway. Here, let me feel crappy then I’ll have an excuse to drink, eat, take drugs, or whatever addiction you use to not look at yourself. If you’re not looking at yourself then you don’t have to deal with the real issue… YOU!

Unfortunately, we tend to lug our baggage from one relationship to another, and then we wonder why we suck at intimacy. However Jealousy is only the symptom. So what’s really going on? Did someone leave you when you were a child? Did you experience your father/mother cheating or fighting with one another? Was your family dysfunctional and now you’re carrying this baggage with you where ever you go?

Are you ready to be done with jealousy? Sometimes it doesn’t seem possible, but it can be done if you are willing to let go of the addiction/attachment to the other person, what they’re doing, and begin to look within. Look to yourself to fulfill your own needs. I’m not saying cut the other person out, just take time to do the things you love and don’t forget to live your life. Free yourself from the outcome of what they do, because really, what they do is none of your business.

Here’s a quote by author Jennifer James that sums it up perfectly:
Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it’s a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them.

It takes practice, but getting back to your own life and taking care of yourself will allow you to begin the process of pulling your head out of your ass, wiping the poop from your eyes, and begin to see clearly again.

Remember to have fun…

Kim Chambers

Dear Kim,

Every time my boyfriend and I talk we get into a huge argument, and I know I’m the one who causes it. I am so God damn independent! I’m trying to sabotage what we have, and I don’t know why.  All I know is that I want to change.  I want to feel deserving of a loving relationship. How can I let my man be there for me, without resisting him?

Thank you,

Carrie

Hey Carrie,

It’s a challenge to let people to get close, however if you don’t bust loose and allow people to be there for you, they WILL go away… Period!

In general, men need to be needed. No matter how much you think they don’t, they want to please you, and feel like they matter   as a man it is there job to be the warrior however a defeated warrior will look to other avenues to be valued.  Acknowledge him when he is doing something you like, and I guarantee you he will step up to the plate.

Allow him to do things for you.  For example, open doors, take out the trash, or whatever you don’t want him to do because you are afraid of getting too close.  I guarantee if you do that, the dynamics of your relationships will change, and if it doesn’t, at least you took steps in moving towards a better life.

One more thing, just because you’re feeling vulnerable doesn’t mean your weak.  There’s a big difference so be easy with your self, and give yourself a break.  The first step towards a better life is acknowledging and being aware that a change needs to be made.

Good Luck, and Have fun,

Kim Chambers
www.AmazingCouple.com

Dear Kim,

My girlfriend is going mad. She told me she felt trapped in our relationship, so I told her to leave. Now she’s afraid I’m going to leave her. This yo yo back and forth shit is driving me nuts. What does she want? What do I do?

Signed,

Royally Confused

Dear Royally Confused,

This woman is trying to get a reaction out of you, AND If she’s telling you she doesn’t feel free one minute, and then has fear of abandonment the next, it’s because you didn’t give her the response she was looking for. However since you said ok go ahead, she’s left with feeling the pain and poison she was trying to place on you. I say good job!

Women, hell people, will do funny things to get your attention, especially those who are addicted to drama (there are more of you out there then you think) If they are feeling like everything is going too smoothly, they will find ways to stir up the pot.

The trick is to do what you did. Not give them the reaction they are looking for. In doing that it will defuse the situation. At first, you might not get the response you are looking for and hear things like “You don’t love me… If you did you would show it more”. That’s just the addiction talking. You are not giving them their “fix” of drama. No worries though, over time, the mood swings will fade away, and everything will calm down, until the next episode usually around that time of the month

One last thing, you’ve got to remember she’s pushing your buttons because she wants your attention. Sometimes people are asking for love, but don’t always do it in the healthiest ways. Try to be understanding and communicate with her. Be strong, like a child, she will continue to test your limits and if you give in to her drama it will just reinforce the negative behavior.

Have fun with this. It’s just a game anyway! If you loose move on and play again

Kim

How to Eat Like a Professional Athlete
by: Pro Volley Ball Player Angie Akers

Hi Kim…
I actually started to write an article yesterday that I titled : How to Eat Like a Professional Athlete.  My aim is to submit it to some magazines along with some photos and get it published.

DIET: I shop at Trader Joe’s (some of the things I eat I have only found there.)

Breakfast - (meal before practice)

-blueberry and raspberry oat bran muffin (wheat free and vegan) warmed up then topped with almond butter.
-Protein shake - one scoop of protein mixed with water

Lunch - (meal after practice)
-scrambled egg whites (4-6) topped with TJ’s smokey black bean dip, salsa, and 1/2 an avocado.

Snack - (about 2-3 hours later)
-bag of lettuce with dried cranberries, walnuts or pistachios, goat cheese or feta, and dressed lightly with TJ’s lowfat Champagne Pear Vinaigrette
-Ultramet Original  - high protein meal supplement by Champion Nutrition

Dinner -
-chicken breast or pork chop or lean meat
-broccoli with feta or goat cheese and TJ’s Roasted Red and Yellow Peppers (in a jar) chopped into bite size pieces.  All mixed together and it is AWESOME!!!  I just snip the corner of the bag of broccoli and throw it in the microwave for 3 minutes.  Then dump it in a bowl and add the feta or goat cheese and the chopped peppers and stir it all up.  It takes less than 5 minutes!
-sweet potato with cayenne pepper, cinnamon, and smart balance butter substitute spread.  (I only have this sometimes… not all the time.  Like if I have a really hard day coming up the next day…)

That is usually what i eat in a day.  If I don’t feel like going to the grocery, I will make due with what i have around the house, but that is what I usually buy to make.  I would say that I eat that more times than not.

Well, you have a great night and I will talk to you soon!

Dear Kim,

I am a fairly attractive male, but I can’t get a date to save my life.  I have a hard time approaching women for fear of rejection, and I would love some advise on what women want in their men.

Matt.
————————————————————————————————————
Dear Matt,

What a great question.  I get asked this quite a bit.  There are so many lonely people out there who are so afraid of rejection, especially by the opposite sex, that they would rather be hit by a Mac Truck - than ask a girl out on a date.

First and for-most, you WILL be rejected no matter what you look like, or how much money you have. Not everyone is compatible, and you are not a loser, because someone said “no” to you.  So stop feeling sorry for yourself, and get over it!  Who knows what’s going on in the other persons head, and believe me, in general people are so self absorbed, it has nothing to do with you.

So the sooner you get over the fear of rejection, and realize for every NO you get - you are one step closer to a YES, then the sooner you will be experiencing your dream date, and possibly moving on to second, third, or home for the Score.

Here are a few tips you can take after you leap into the world of initiating a conversation.

Give a woman her personal space, and don’t expect anything from her.

Women get tired of being hit on constantly by guys who don’t want to take the time to get to know them.  Some men have a tendency to move into a woman’s personal space way too quickly - especially when alcohol is involved.

Sometimes the man may think he is being charming by commenting on the woman’s breasts and how nice her body is; spraying spit all over her face while he’s talking. It’s a no wonder he gets offended if she rejects him.  “I was just giving her a compliment” he says.   Chances are it will come back to bite you in the ass if you use sexual comments to compliment her.

Women can feel the hidden agenda that men have right away, and don’t want to be smothered by someone they don’t know.  So when a man steps in too close, or expects the woman to respond quickly to him, then she will feel trapped, pushed into a corner, and want to get away.  You will be amazed at how much the women will relax and open up if she knows there isn’t anything expected from her.

Take your time.

You just met this woman.  You don’t need to give her your whole life story in one day. People in general have a hard time with conversation, because they can’t listen.  They feel like they need to be interesting, when really the key to unlocking a woman’s panties, is to listen to what she has to say.   The best way to be interesting, is to be interested.  People love to talk about themselves, and want to open up, but she won’t open up unless she feels comfortable.  If she has to compete to get her words in between yours, then she will feel frustrated and close off.

Don’t be too accommodating or needy.

Woman don’t want their men to be too needy, or agree with them to quickly. .. The less you praise the girl, the better.  People in General love a challenge.  She will also love a man who has an opinion.  Someone who isn’t afraid to say what he likes and express his own thoughts, but who is open enough to know that his opinion isn’t the end all be all. You can a agree to disagree, but don’t be too eager to give in.

Ask open ended Questions

If you give a woman time and space to be able to talk, more then likely she will start to open up.  She may also be nervous and not be able to talk to you as well.  Keep it light.  If you ask open ended questions like. What do you like to do?  it gives her an opportunity to open up and talk about herself.  If you ask, do you like to go rollerbladding? She could just say yes or no, and that would be the end of the conversation.  (Might not want to ask the woman exactly where she lives.  She may think you are a stalker and close off immediately)

Be interested in her friends, but not too interested.

A woman’s friend is like family.  If they like you, more then likely she will too.  If you see that things aren’t working out with the one you have initiated a conversation with, it’s probably not a good idea to turn your back on her and go for the other one.  More then likely her friend will be loyal to her, and you will look like an asshole and close all doors.

Practice Being yourself, and having Confidence.

So many people try to be someone they are not.  Women have a need to feel secure, and if the man doesn’t know who he is, or doesn’t like himself she won’t give him the time of day.  Chances are if you are feeling like a loser, then that’s what she’s going to think of you too, and who could blame her… That’s the vibe you are putting off.  Try practicing how you would like to talk to someone. It would be best if you could practice with a partner, but this may be a little awkward with one of your best buddies, and he would probably make fun of you for the rest of your life, so my suggestion is to write down some questions you would like to ask someone and practice reading them aloud. Also it would be good to update your knowledge about current events, so that you have something to talk about.  It might be fun to pretend you are one of your favorite super hero’s and have an imaginary cape around your neck while you are speaking.  I know this sounds silly, but who cares what’s silly if it works for you!

Another suggestion would be to practice listening to people while you are out and about.  Ask the store clerk how her day was, and then shut your mouth.  Be interested.  The more practice you have, the more confidence you will gain. If you don’t have a hidden agenda, then people will be more amiable to opening up, and who knows - maybe the cashier will go out with you.

So you’ve got the girl home, and now you feel like you are going to get it on. My next column will give you exercises you can do to have more stamina in the bedroom.

Til then,

Have fun, and relax!!!

Kim Chambers
www.AmazingCouple.com

A note to the wise. Don’t Talk SMACK!

It’s probably not a good idea to talk to your future date about how you dumped the women before her, how your ex-girlfriend treated you like shit, or how she is inadequate in anyway.  It may make you feel better for now, but it’s your own insecurities, and lack of self confidence that is making you do this.  You never know what she is thinking, and because she hasn’t made a decision right away to go out with you, it doesn’t mean that she won’t.  If she doesn’t… It’s her loss.  Move to the next girl.  If she turns you down, move to the next one… Over time you will get better at approaching women, and gain more confidence.

If this doesn’t work, then go to your local brothel and higher someone.  It may even be cheaper